Did you know that you train others how to treat you? I know that this may be a little harsh to hear because that puts some of the responsibility on you, but it’s true. When you accept what others say and do without standing up for yourself, you are training them that what they are doing is acceptable. And they will most likely do it again. You are also training yourself to accept this as your new standard; that this behavior from others is what you are worth.
Well, I have 2 words for you: Stop It.
As a mental health therapist, I work with people on boundaries and self-care almost daily. One of the things that I have recently heard more and more is “I don’t want to hurt their feelings”. Ok, so what I am hearing you say is that their feelings are more important than yours. This usually gets a blank stare for a moment as they take in what it sounds like to actually say this out loud.
What I want you to know is that you do not have to earn being treated with respect, kindness, and love. You deserve all of that simply because you are alive. However, if you do not remind others of this, they will take advantage. The bigger issue keeping you stuck here is that you aren’t treating yourself with respect, kindness, and love. When you can start doing that for yourself, you stop allowing others to violate that boundary with you as well.
Last week I wrote about changing your beliefs by using affirming statements over and over. If you didn’t check that blog out, go back and read it here. You can shift how you feel about yourself and the world around you. You can overcome years of negative self-talk and then begin to shift that transformation out to every relationship you have.
When someone violates your standard of treatment, you have the right to say to them, “Stop It. It is not acceptable for you to treat me that way/speak to me that way/etc.” If you do not stand up for yourself, who do you think will? You can quickly fall into a downspiral of mistreatment when you allow it to happen. And that is not how you want to live your life.
Yes, it can be scary and hard. Yes, you may shake a little as you say it. But, once you do it for the first time, you can do it again and again. Stand up for yourself and begin to train others in how you will allow them to treat you. This is a form of self-love. This is something that you can do for yourself that will have a ripple effect into all areas of your life. Standing up for how should be treated increases your success and effectiveness in dealing with stress, interacting with others, and becoming the person you truly want to be.
You don’t have to be rude or mean about it. Just be clear about what you will accept and what you won’t. Yes, it may ruffle some feathers, but you are the only one who can do this. You get to determine what is ok and what is not. Start small by standing up for yourself in one situation today.
No one said it would be easy, but this is the road to happiness, peace, and ease.
That’s powerful stuff.
I know you can do it. If you feel like you need some support, reach out.
I will be practicing right along with you.
Talk again soon,